Daniel’s Due Date

Daddy’s been out of town again, for most of the past week. This time I was in San Francisco, for the annual FileMaker Developer Conference—the same conference I was at four years ago, when iChat allowed Mommy and me to really get to know Auntie Kellie. Because of this, this post is being published a bit late, but hopefully it still retains its poignance.

8 August 2009 was Daniel’s due date. Yes, we know that the doctor wouldn’t have let his mother go past 38 weeks, so he probably would have been born in late July. There’s a certain finality to the actual due date, though—an acknowledgement that, had all gone well, our younger son would be with us by now.

I know we can’t dwell too much on his death or we’ll miss out on the joy that we do have, with the children that are with us—and I don’t think we do dwell on it, unnecessarily. The kids know that they have a little brother that’s back in the spirit world and that he’ll be back someday, though they don’t know exactly what that means. Heck, Anna and I don’t even know exactly what that means. Did he stake his immortal claim on that body, before he passed? Our prayers seem to indicate that he didn’t, but that answer hasn’t been particularly resounding. There’s a difference between believing and knowing, and this one currently resides on the side of belief. The best we can do is to keep on hoping, keep on praying, and keep on loving our children—all three of them—and let the Lord work out the rest.

Early that afternoon—the afternoon of 8 August—we headed over to Daniel’s Mawmaw and Pawpaw’s house, to visit his grave. Leah and David, of course, didn’t know exactly why we were going there; they don’t even know that his body is there (nor probably even that it’s buried anywhere; I doubt they would even have made that connection, at Great-Grandma’s funeral). But just as I do, each time we visit, I stood by his graveside and talked to him—and cried. While our living children visited with their grandparents and played in the sandbox, I took a few minutes to once again express my love for my little lost baby boy, and to express to him and to Heavenly Father just how much I want him back, and quickly. (I kind of doubt Daniel can hear me, but hopefully Father passes on the message?)

After a while, Anna brought Leah and David over with some little watering cans, to water “Daniel’s flowers.” They don’t know what that means, either, and hopefully he’ll be back soon enough that they never have to. They enjoyed themselves, though, and if they understood anything, I expect they felt it was something they could do for their little brother that’s not with us, right now. As we left, I again bid adieu to my beautiful little boy, and headed back to the car, back to our lives that are now so obviously without him.

Sorry for the downer, but I trust you’ll understand. And if you’ve got any prayers to offer, please pray that we’ll have our baby by Christmas. We don’t know if Daniel will be our next baby or if he’s had to go to the back of the line, so to speak—nor even if we’ll have him in this life, at all—but there’s an emptiness that we so desperately want filled, and through the miracle of adoption, we know it can still happen by then.

Thanks for reading. Now let’s get back to the happiness and joy of our living children. :-)

Dear Birthparents

Dear friends,

Thank you for taking the time to look learn more about us. We know your minds and hearts must be full as you consider all of the decisions and possibilities you are facing. We wish you peace and comfort at this time. Maybe we’ll have the opportunity to get to know you better in the future, but for now here is a little about us.

We’ve been best friends for nearly 19 years, married for almost 12, and have a relationship based on love, respect, friendship, and an overdeveloped sense of humor. We enjoy having fun together: playing board games, reading, watching movies, mini-golfing, writing silly songs, and just basically making our own entertainment wherever we go.

Jeff

First of all, I own my own technology consulting firm, and to be perfectly honest, I love my job‚ not only because I enjoy what I do, but also because I can work almost exclusively from home. Kids going to a friend’s or the park, to play? l help load them into the car or stroller. Mommy has an appointment? I keep an eye on the kids. Someone’s sad and wants Daddy? I pop downstairs for a hug. It’s a wonderful way to live, and I hope I never have to give it up.

The family I grew up in doesn’t live nearby, but I keep in touch with them via phone and e-mail, so I rarely go more than a few days without talking to Mom, Dad, or my sister. The kids love to videochat with Grandma and Pop, and being the crazy grandparents that they are, they usually make the 1,600-mile round trip, about 5-6 times per year‚ perhaps more, now that they’re both retired.

When I’m not at work or church, most of my spare time is spent with my family‚ Anna, the kids, my in-laws, etc.‚ but when I get that rare chance to have some time to myself, I usually do a little web surfing, watch some TV, or lie down and enjoy a good book. (My favorite fictional author is Douglas Adams, but I’ll read just about anything that’s lying around.)

Anna

While it is the most challenging job I’ve ever had, I feel very blessed to be able to stay at home with our children. I treasure being there for all of their imaginative play (and it’s fun to join in with them, too!). I enjoy seeing them learn and grow. I am rich in hugs, kisses, and snuggles.

When I get a quiet moment, I like to spend a little time developing my hobbies and interests. I enjoy reading, so I usually have at least one book on my nightstand at a time, and I participate regularly in a book group. I also enjoy trying new recipes and spend a fair amount of my free time browsing recipe databases and websites. I am a member of a couple of "mommy" websites and enjoy posting and blogging there. One of my favorite activities is working out. I like to walk, run, bike, and hike. I recently completed my first 5K. Though I don’t consider myself a crafty person, I do try crafts from time to time. I have found a few I enjoy and am actually pretty good at including jewelry making and making felt hair clips for our daughter.

We spend a lot of time with my parents and siblings. Many of them live nearby, and we get together at least every other Sunday for dinner. My sister is really my best friend. We talk or instant message on an almost-daily basis. Our children play together a lot, especially when we trade baby-sitting for date nights and other appointments. Our families have been there for us through all of our triumphs and struggles, and we feel blessed and proud to belong to such wonderful people.

Leah

Leah has always been an interesting mix of independence and love. She likes to do her own thing‚ especially if she can get her brother to do it, with her‚ but she’s so sensitive to others’ feelings: “Why are you sad?” “Why are you happy?” “May I hug you?” etc.. She really is an incredibly sweet little girl, and we’re just as incredibly blessed to be her parents.
Leah loves to run, dance, sing, and watch Dora the Explorer; and she especially loves being a big sister to her favorite little guy in the world. Leah is currently interested in anything and everything to do with princesses. She regularly holds pretend princess parties and something she invented called “dance outs.”

Through adopting Leah, we developed a deep love and respect for her birthparents. We love to see how proud they are of her. We love sharing stories about how her talents are developing. We love how happy they are with how she is doing. We love that they love her. We love that they love us! We truly feel we gained more than a daughter when we adopted Leah; we gained an entirely new branch of our family, and our lives have been enriched by this blessing.

David

David is an incredibly sensitive little boy, always hugging and kissing and thanking everyone around. He seems to have inherited Leah’s love of singing, though we’re a pretty musical family to begin with. He also enjoys running, jumping, and climbing. While at play, he is quite active and is all boy. When it’s time to settle down for a quiet moment, though, David shows more of his sensitive side and is quite happy to snuggle with the closest family member.

David’s current passion is a Lego set that his aunt got him, for his birthday. Whenever he’s not running around and/or getting into things, we know to take a peek in the toy room, where he’ll be stacking them up, building a house or‚ more likely‚ a tower (or "towee," as he says it).

As Mommy and Daddy, our children are the center of our lives and we can’t imagine anything more wonderful than having them with us forever. We love watching them learn and grow: reading to them, playing with them, making their favorite meals, tucking them in at night; all this and more make for a life so beautiful that we sometimes can’t imagine what we’ve done to be so blessed. Yet at the same time, there’s a special place in our hearts just waiting to be filled by a another special little boy or girl.

We hope this letter has been helpful in getting to know us a little better. Again, we wish you peace and comfort as you plan for your future and the future of your child.

Sincerely,

Jeff and Anna

Dear Birthparents

Dear friends,

Thank you for taking the time to look learn more about us. We know your minds and hearts must be full as you consider all of the decisions and possibilities you are facing. We wish you peace and comfort at this time. Maybe we’ll have the opportunity to get to know you better in the future, but for now here is a little about us.

We’ve been best friends for nearly 19 years, married for almost 12, and have a relationship based on love, respect, friendship, and an overdeveloped sense of humor. We enjoy having fun together: playing board games, reading, watching movies, mini-golfing, writing silly songs, and just basically making our own entertainment wherever we go.

Jeff

First of all, I own my own technology consulting firm, and to be perfectly honest, I love my job‚ not only because I enjoy what I do, but also because I can work almost exclusively from home. Kids going to a friend’s or the park, to play? l help load them into the car or stroller. Mommy has an appointment? I keep an eye on the kids. Someone’s sad and wants Daddy? I pop downstairs for a hug. It’s a wonderful way to live, and I hope I never have to give it up.

The family I grew up in doesn’t live nearby, but I keep in touch with them via phone and e-mail, so I rarely go more than a few days without talking to Mom, Dad, or my sister. The kids love to videochat with Grandma and Pop, and being the crazy grandparents that they are, they usually make the 1,600-mile round trip, about 5-6 times per year‚ perhaps more, now that they’re both retired.

When I’m not at work or church, most of my spare time is spent with my family‚ Anna, the kids, my in-laws, etc.‚ but when I get that rare chance to have some time to myself, I usually do a little web surfing, watch some TV, or lie down and enjoy a good book. (My favorite fictional author is Douglas Adams, but I’ll read just about anything that’s lying around.)

Anna

While it is the most challenging job I’ve ever had, I feel very blessed to be able to stay at home with our children. I treasure being there for all of their imaginative play (and it’s fun to join in with them, too!). I enjoy seeing them learn and grow. I am rich in hugs, kisses, and snuggles.

When I get a quiet moment, I like to spend a little time developing my hobbies and interests. I enjoy reading, so I usually have at least one book on my nightstand at a time, and I participate regularly in a book group. I also enjoy trying new recipes and spend a fair amount of my free time browsing recipe databases and websites. I am a member of a couple of "mommy" websites and enjoy posting and blogging there. One of my favorite activities is working out. I like to walk, run, bike, and hike. I recently completed my first 5K. Though I don’t consider myself a crafty person, I do try crafts from time to time. I have found a few I enjoy and am actually pretty good at including jewelry making and making felt hair clips for our daughter.

We spend a lot of time with my parents and siblings. Many of them live nearby, and we get together at least every other Sunday for dinner. My sister is really my best friend. We talk or instant message on an almost-daily basis. Our children play together a lot, especially when we trade baby-sitting for date nights and other appointments. Our families have been there for us through all of our triumphs and struggles, and we feel blessed and proud to belong to such wonderful people.

Leah

Leah has always been an interesting mix of independence and love. She likes to do her own thing‚ especially if she can get her brother to do it, with her‚ but she’s so sensitive to others’ feelings: “Why are you sad?” “Why are you happy?” “May I hug you?” etc.. She really is an incredibly sweet little girl, and we’re just as incredibly blessed to be her parents.
Leah loves to run, dance, sing, and watch Dora the Explorer; and she especially loves being a big sister to her favorite little guy in the world. Leah is currently interested in anything and everything to do with princesses. She regularly holds pretend princess parties and something she invented called “dance outs.”

Through adopting Leah, we developed a deep love and respect for her birthparents. We love to see how proud they are of her. We love sharing stories about how her talents are developing. We love how happy they are with how she is doing. We love that they love her. We love that they love us! We truly feel we gained more than a daughter when we adopted Leah; we gained an entirely new branch of our family, and our lives have been enriched by this blessing.

David

David is an incredibly sensitive little boy, always hugging and kissing and thanking everyone around. He seems to have inherited Leah’s love of singing, though we’re a pretty musical family to begin with. He also enjoys running, jumping, and climbing. While at play, he is quite active and is all boy. When it’s time to settle down for a quiet moment, though, David shows more of his sensitive side and is quite happy to snuggle with the closest family member.

David’s current passion is a Lego set that his aunt got him, for his birthday. Whenever he’s not running around and/or getting into things, we know to take a peek in the toy room, where he’ll be stacking them up, building a house or‚ more likely‚ a tower (or "towee," as he says it).

As Mommy and Daddy, our children are the center of our lives and we can’t imagine anything more wonderful than having them with us forever. We love watching them learn and grow: reading to them, playing with them, making their favorite meals, tucking them in at night; all this and more make for a life so beautiful that we sometimes can’t imagine what we’ve done to be so blessed. Yet at the same time, there’s a special place in our hearts just waiting to be filled by a another special little boy or girl.

We hope this letter has been helpful in getting to know us a little better. Again, we wish you peace and comfort as you plan for your future and the future of your child.

Sincerely,

Jeff and Anna

Bedtime Routine

David has fallen into a fairly predictable bedtime routine, as of late. After Mommy and Leah have departed for Leah’s room, he gets into bed, generally asks Daddy to read him a story, and then requests that Daddy sing Soon It’s Gonna Rain/Rain, Rain Go Away; Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star; and Rock-a-Bye David (the last being Daddy’s take on the old classic)—not necessarily in that order, nor necessarily once each.

Tonight, after all seemed to be quiet, David started calling for Mommy. Knowing full well that Mommy is a pushover and would probably wind up placing David in Mommy & Daddy’s bed (his favorite place to sleep), Daddy responded first and eventually allowed Mommy to join him. Together, we were able to convince him that he needed to stay in his own bed, then sang him the first verse of I Am a Child of God and prepared to leave. Daddy, knowing what was coming, brought up the rear.

As expected, David requested that Daddy sing another song—specifically, Rain, Rain Go Away—before I left, which led to the following conversation:

Daddy: “I will do that, but when I’m done, I’ve got to leave and you’ll have to go to sleep. Okay?”

David: [silence]

Daddy: “David, is that okay?”

David: [silence]

Daddy: “Well, okay then; I guess I’ll just have to leave, right now.”

David: “It’s okay, Daddy!”

So I sang, just as he requested. (I actually think I’m teaching myself some good techniques, getting my diaphragm going, etc., but I digress.) And just as I got to the final syllable—…way—David talked over it. His observation?

David: “Get out, Daddy.”

What a little dork. ;-)